Depression, Sex & Therapy – Part I

“Hello Mr. Cledre, good morning, how are you feeling this morning?” he asked me, but I was gazing at him, it was as if I was snubbing him, but honestly I was deep in thought, staring at him but into the air, my mind was absent. He cleared his throat and that sound kicked me back to consciousness, he introduced himself, “I am Dr. Warren Opoku, I’ll be your shrink for the journey. I’ve been going through your case file and all I want to say now is, I’m here for you, we can talk about anything you want, I’m really looking forward to being your friend…”

 

I interrupted him mid-sentence, “Doctor or shrink or whatever you are, can we just get this over and done with? I don’t intend making a nest here”, he smiled softly, “Mr. Cledre…”, “Naaa just Cledre, call me Cledre, not Mr.” I interrupted him again, and he wasn’t too happy about it, he sat up straight and said, “Cledre, you really have no idea the magnitude of what you did and why you’re here right?”, I stared at him and said, “It was a prank that went bad, now can you discharge me now? I want to go home”

 

He gave me this grin and said, “A prank? You call attempted suicide a prank? You’re just coming from a court house and you still think all this is just a prank that went bad? Maybe you didn’t know but suicide is a crime and you can be sent to prison for that. On the 4th of May, 2018, you were found half dead in your room, your pulse was barely felt, according to your girlfriend, who just got back from work around 2:08pm and found you and a pack of tramadol tablets near your lifeless body, she rushed you to the hospital, upon arrival at the hospital, you were diagnosed of ‘Tramadol over dose’, if your girlfriend hadn’t brought you in just when she did, your family be choosing your coffin right now”

 

“Yeah, this is all a misunderstanding, I get it, I messed up, but I swear to you it wasn’t a suicide attempt, just a prank that went bad, Doc, I’m fine, look at me, I’m healthy and looking good, you can let me go, I know you have that power, help a brother out man” I said.

 

“Cledre…”, he continued, “Calling this whole thing a prank that went bad is the reason why you’re here, on the day of the incident, the police was looking for anything that might help them get to the roots of the situation, because at first they thought it was a homicide until they found this on your phone, this was in your twitter drafts the day of the incident” he handed to me a piece of paper and asked me to read it out loud. But after staring at it I refused to read it, he insisted but I was stubborn.

 

He decided to read it himself, out loud;

“Hi my name is CleDre, and this would definitely be my last tweet, in a few minutes I’ll be ending it all, I don’t want to live anymore, I’m taking my life. If you’re reading this, it’s too late. I didn’t want to leave this world without leaving some sort of message or farewell goodbye message for my mother and my girl. Mummy I love you, just know it wasn’t my intention to do this, I’ve exhausted all my options and there’s no way out of this, taking my life is the only way, please find it in your heart to forgive me, just remember I’ll always love you till my last breath. This might seem like the coward’s way out but this pain and depression I can’t deal with anymore, I tried reaching out, I tired, but it didn’t work out, I just want to be free now, I know I act tough or seem normal everyday online but when I go offline, I become lonely, my head fills up with these thoughts and pain, I can’t do this no more, I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, so I have to do what I have to do, please forgive me”

 

“Cledre, you still think this was a prank?” he asked me. “How did you get this?” I asked him, and he was polite to answer me, “your girlfriend gave us the password on your phone”, “That son of a…” I murmured. Then I began crying, Dr. Warren to give me assurances that everything will be okay if I let go the pain in my heart and open up, he said he was there for me, and we can talk about anything and everything. He sounded genuine so I decided to trust him.

 

“It was two years ago, I hustled and got a job as a receptionist at where I work, truth is I didn’t apply for a receptionist but when they called me for an interview they told me the job I wanted was currently occupied but looking at me, I have a pretty smile and there’s an opening at the front desk, it doesn’t really pay much but if I wanted it, I could start work the next day” I was really happy, I got a job, I’ve been searching for a job for months.

 

“What are you writing down?” I asked Dr. Warren, surprised at the question he said, “Taking notes, scribbling down my observations about you, writing it down because I can’t commit everything to memory and it also gives me a good perspective of you, I’m a psychologist, that’s what I do”

After a brief pause he asked, “It is making you uncomfortable” I didn’t want to answer but his eye was pressing for an answer so I said, “Not really, I was just curious…” he smiled and said, “Okay you can continue whenever you’re ready”

“Stephany” I said shaking my head, he said, “Just for the record, who is Stephany?” I murmured, “My girlfriend” he scribbled something into his notes and said, “Okay, Stephany, continue”

 

“I first met her on the second week on the job, she walked through the doors and I smiled at her, just like I did to anyone who walked in, she casually said, “You’re new here right? I haven’t seen you here before”, I smiled again and said ‘yes’, and I asked her how, I may help her, she said, “Yes you may help me, but you can start by telling me your name”, I smiled again and tried ignoring her request, she continued, “Okay I am Stephany, I supply water for your company, the water dispenser jars? I bring them in each week, but today is my first time seeing you…okay here’s the invoice, so I guess I’ll see you next week?” She smiled and went away.

 

“Doc, honestly she was the first person to ever talk to me for more than 20 seconds at the front desk, she was super friendly and nice, unlike me, I wasn’t from the beginning, I was very cautious, I just got this job and I didn’t want any trouble, I didn’t want my boss seeing me socializing and conversing with people or clients needlessly, unemployment sucks and I wasn’t trying to go back there to be very honest”

 

The following week she came by again, and as usual she was very jovial and funny, though feeling very cautious, I was very warm and inviting with my smile, she asked me how I was doing and where I lived and I told her, then she said, “I know there, I’ve been there a couple of times, I have a couple of friends staying over there, I’ll hola at you when I come around, can I have your num…” just then my boss walked and called for me so she waved and whispered, “Next week”.

 

The next week she came in again as usual, drop down the invoice, she was looking very exhausted so I offered her a seat at the waiting area, I asked her if she would like a cold cup of water, she smiled and said “sure”, I walked over to the water dispenser and got her a cup of water. “You know I still do not know your name right?”, I beamed up and whispered, “Cledre”, she almost chocked on the water saying ‘huuh’, next she said, “Cle what? What kinda name is that?” I almost laughed out loud and told her to call me either Cle or Dre. She thanked me for the water and left minutes later.

 

“She came to drop off water like she usually do, she came in and dropped the invoice. She asked me if I had a small piece of paper, she wants to write something, I gave her a blank A4 sheet and she started writing something on it. She gave me the paper and said, “See you next week”, I unfolded the paper, written on it was her phone number and a text next to it saying, ‘Call me’, I smiled and placed the paper under my desk.

 

At lunch I went out to eat, Maxwell, Tintin and Evans joined me at the gorbε seller’s place. I was already eating when they came over. The gorbε seller was always very playful with her customers so most boys gathered at her shade to eat. Maxwell and Tintin sat down to order their meal but Evans went behind the gorbε seller and whispered something in her ears but the gorbε seller shouted in reply, “Ohh noooo, yesterday you didn’t pay, I don’t sell on credit, today diε no money no food”, the guys started laughing and teasing him.

 

I was done eating, just sitting down relaxing, going through my phone, I still had 20 minutes break time remaining. Evans pushed closer to me and said, “What’s your secret?” obviously surprised at the question I asked what he was talking about but he said, “Ohh don’t do that, you know exactly what I am talking about” but honestly I didn’t, he asked, “I have been working here for 3 years and I haven’t seen Stephany talk to any guy for more than 2 minutes except you, and you’ve been working here for only a month, so tell me, what’s your secret? Are you using for girls?” I laughed and shook my head, I told him I don’t know why she’s fond of me.

 

“You see that boy with the big head sitting over there? That’s Tintin, he’s been trying to hook up with that chick for a year now but the chick no dey mind am, he pay saaaaaa but the girl in beads sef he no see before hahaha”, Evans said. “That chick no dey give any guy face for here, so I’m just curious, why she is so into you? One time Maxwell said maybe she’s lesbian, but right now I’m not so sure” he continued. It was so funny the way he said it, but to be very honest that brief conversation was the beginning of the end for me.

 

“How do you mean?” asked Dr. Warren. “I began seeing Stephany differently” I said. “How were you seeing her now” he asked. “Doc, you see, before that meal and conversation with Evans I wasn’t conscious of Stephany, at the time she was just one of those suppliers who came to ours offices each week, but after Evan’s confession, I was now conscious and aware of her, I saw her differently now, and what made it worse was the thought that I was the only guy she seemed to like at the office”

 

“How did it make you feel?” Dr. Warren asked, “Good! Very good, I remember I felt light headed going back to the office when lunch was over, I liked that feeling” I answered. “What happened next?” he asked.

 

“The next day she came around like she always did each week, and I remember smiling more than I usually did, I talked to her first, I asked her how she was doing and how her day was going, I even offered her a seat in case she was tired and wanted to sit and catch her breath. Last week I had a straight face on looking all professional doing my work, but this week I am the one initiating the small talk. She was friendly as usual, on her way out I asked for her number and told her I lost the one she gave me, and she wrote it down for me again.”

 

I started texting with her on my way home from work. She was very receptive when I told her it was me. She was very nice to talk to, I really enjoyed our conversations. We talked about so many things that evening.

 

“You narrate this with smiles on your face, but if I recall you said it was the beginning of the end for you, could you explain?” Dr. Warren asked. “I’ll get to that very soon, but please can I get a glass or bottle of water?” I requested. He stood up and brought me a bottle of water. We sat there in silence for about a three minutes before I resumed talking.

 

“Now we’ve been friends for almost three months now, then one day Stephany walks in to my work place just when I was about to knock off from work, to tell me she’s taking me out for dinner, surprised at this gesture, I didn’t ask questions I just followed her. She took me to this Chinese restaurant few blocks away to eat. We order our meal and start to eat. But I kept wondering why all of the sudden she wants to buy me dinner, I wanted to ask her but I felt it might we rude if I did, so I let it slide and went on ahead to enjoy my meal”

 

“After the meal she told me she had a surprise for me so I should just follow her, and I did. She took me to this men’s boutique close by and asked me to pick anything I wanted. At first I thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t! She sat down and asked me to pick anything I like. I ignored the fact that I felt it was rude to ask why she was doing all these asked her, ‘What’s going on? Few minutes ago, free dinner and now shopping? I mean I’m grateful but why all these, I’m just curious’, she smiled and said, ‘Can’t I pamper my friends or buy nice things for them when I like?’ I didn’t have an answer to that so I just nodded and went through the shop”

 

“I picked out this cute Oxford brown leather shoe with a belt to match, I told her I was done but she insisted I add a shirt or two and another shoe but I told her the shoe and belt will do just fine. Ever since that night she bought me many gifts at random times, we went out often and surprisingly she insisted she paid the bill 90% of the time and even gets angry when I pay 10% of the time, it was so intense!”

 

“We’ve been going out for almost a year now, we talk on phone all the time, text till 3am in the morning, go out together every Friday night. She’s always on my mind, she’s the first person in mind when I want to talk or open up to someone, and she’s available to me anytime I called”

 

“I had just returned from my lunch break when Tintin, Maxwell and Evans came to my work station, Evans had a funny look on his face, Tintin took a seat a yard away while Maxwell and Evans came at me, “Yo Dre, wasssssup bro!” said Evans, I knew something fishy was going on but I played along, “Yo fellas, I dey ooh, what dey go on” I replied. “Charle today we no see you for the gorbε seller in der, so we just came to check how you were doing” he said smiling. “Yeah charle I dey, I didn’t come there today, I went out someplace to have lunch, I just got back, how are you guys doing?” I asked them. “Now diε your money come so you dawg us make we chop the gari and beans alone ehh?” Tintin quizzed.

 

“Everything thing nice” replied Maxwell. “Charle wanna time catch biz am the thing make we leff eehh” Tintin roared! I had my eye brows raised up looking at their faces, I wasn’t sure what was going on so I asked, “Ask me what?”, Evans started giggling, “Charle eno be anything biaa just one question kεkε we dey wan biz you”. “Spit it out” I ordered. “Okay, make you no bore ooh, we just wan know kεkε, ebi personal matter so we beg make you no bore, make I biz?” Evans asked.”

 

“At this point I was getting impatient, and they were behaving like children, I asked Evans why he would want to ask me something when he thinks it might make me angry? But I assured him I wasn’t going to get angry so he can ask. “Stephany, the girl you eat am? Evans asked with a silly smiling face on. Maxwell almost broke out laughter and he asked but he managed to keep composure even though his face gave him away.”

 

“I eat am, I clear am longest, why wassup?” I mischievously smiled. Maxwell and Evans burst into a hysterical laughter, “Charle where my money dey?” yelled Maxwell. Evans went down his pockets and took out 100.00gh and give it to Maxwell, Tintin just walked out pissed without saying a word. Confused about what is going on, I later found out Maxwell made a bet with Tintin to find out if I’ve slept with Stephany, and they all agreed to go with my answer, whether truth or not. Which I thought was a dumb thing to do. Apparently Tintin started an argument with Maxwell claiming that I’ll end up like him with Stephany, chase her begging for her love and spend senselessly and endlessly on her only for nothing, without a single night of sex to show for it. Maxwell left the front desk rich, Evans went with him with a stupid smile on his face.”

 

“On my home I began thinking about what happened at work, what my colleagues didn’t know was, I lied to them about shagging Stephany, truth was I hadn’t even seen her waist beads before, we’ve been totally plutonic from the beginning. That night I couldn’t sleep well, I kept waking up tossing and turning, the thought of Stephany kept me up. I began thinking; I like Stephany, I really really like her, maybe I like her more than usual and I know she likes me too, possibly more or the same as me, we talk all the time, confide in each other, support each other, she buys me gifts more than a normal friend would, we sometimes even pray on the phone together, so what exactly is stopping me from asking her to be my girlfriend?”

 

“it was 2am in the morning but that didn’t stop me from calling Stephany that late, after a few dials, she picked up, she didn’t sound very happy to answer the call, and I uttered the most dumbest question ever, ‘Were you asleep?’, she said, “Naaa I was on my way to the farm to harvest corn when you called”, we both laughed. She asked me why I called, and I told her I needed to tell her something; I knew what I wanted to tell her but telling her what I wanted to tell her was another thing, I wasn’t sure how to say and how she would take it. Stephany kept yawning on the phone, I had to say something and quickly before she falls back to sleep”

 

“I’ve know you for almost a year now, meeting you has been one of the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don’t think I’ve got the chance to tell you how grateful I am to be your friend” I paused for some few seconds and she said, “You woke me up just to tell me how happy you are to be my friend?” she asked. “Oh no, not really, there’s something I want to tell you, and I wasn’t sure how you’d react to it”, “Well spit it out before I yawn back to sleep”

 

“Steph, I like you very much, more than usual, I mean I really really really like you, I mean I like you more than a friend should and lately I’ve been thinking of that a lot and I feel I should let you know, I honestly do not know how you’d react to this, but before you say anything I wanna tell you, I love you, and you’d make me the happiest man on earth if agree to be my girlfriend”

 

Stephany started laughing, and at that moment I knew I’ve fucked up. She laughed for more than a minute, and it was creeping me out so I had to ask, “Steph I’m sorry but what’s funny, did I say anything funny? It’s really uncomfortable the way you’re laughing at me” I was on high alert, goosebumps all over, I wasn’t sure why she was laughing or her excuse for laughing, I got the feeling whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be good.

.

story written by: @AbokiCleDre (follow me on twitter)

Copyright © 2018 by @AbokiCleDre

All rights reserved. No Copy and Paste. Unlawful copy of this piece is prohibited. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.

email: 101cledre@gmail.com/AbokiCleDre@gmail.com

twitter: @AbokiCleDre

facebook: StraightOutta Madina / Talesfrommadina.com [fan page]

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