“Cle, what’s the time now?” asked Jamal. “I don’t know” I answered. “But you have a watch on your wrist so what do you mean you don’t know?” he looked at me in a weird way. “I don’t know because it doesn’t work dummy!” I snapped back at him. He chuckled and threw his dirty shirt he was just wearing at me.
He walked straight to the closet to pick out some new clothes. He seemed to be in a haste so I asked him, “Hey are you going out?” he was grinning cheerfully and said, “Not really, I’m just going to sit outside, it’s hot in here”
I raised my eye brows confused, “What do you mean it’s hot in here? You barely have a sweat on your body” he walked out and yelled, “I need some fresh air”. I didn’t want to be alone so I got up from the bed and followed him. He was sitting outside on the wall like a lizard, steadily looking around. I asked him what he was doing here but he didn’t answer me. He kept glancing at his phone as if waiting for a text from someone. He was behaving weird so I ignored him.
Few minutes later, descending down the hill was this girl, jogging. Her pony tail flaring in the wind, her bosom jumping up and down. She had this really tight grey adidas sweat pants on, her buttocks was as thick the peach emoji 🍑. Jogging down the hill, Jamal was licking his lips and smirking happily at her, his head followed her running down the hill like a sniper aiming at a moving target waiting to take a shot.
Lost in the moment, I knocked him on the head and roared, “Kwasia! What are you looking at?” he wasn’t too happy at the knock, it was as if I knocked him back to reality. He had his hand behind his head saying, “What did you do that for?” I wanted to laugh but I dared not, he had this serious look on his face so I jokingly said, “Woyε adwaman!” he was a little pissed off so he didn’t engage me.
Then I began thinking, and everything started making sense. Minutes ago we were indoors playing Grand Theft Auto 5 then he asks for the time, walks out of the room with this silly excuse of feeling hot, I later find him sitting on the wall constantly glancing at his phone. Then this fine specimen of God’s wonderful creation runs by, down from heaven just when Jamal was sitting here? He knew she’ll be running pass by at this exact time, no wonder he asked me for the time. Coincidence? I didn’t think so.
“How long have you been seeing her run pass by?” I quizzed him. He tried dodging my question by asking me why I was asking him that, I told him to stop playing dumb with me, “Do I look dumb?…Before you answer that, does the sun rise from the west?” he sat there looking at me like I asked him to solve 679 x 13. “Bruh you’re my best friend, we’ve been best friends since the days we were in nappies, I know when something is going on, will you just tell me or I should ask her when she comes by again?”
“You wouldn’t dare!” he finally spoke. I smiled from ear to ear and said, “You wanna call my bluff? Alright, let’s wait and see” I went mute for minutes but I could see from the corner of my eyes that Jamal was looking at me, I think he was trying to figure out if I was kidding or being serious from the look on my face, but I didn’t badge, I kept a straight face on patiently waiting this mystery girl to walk by again.
My patience was worth it, a mile away I spotted her climbing up the hill, “Ahaaa there she is” I said with excitement, but Jamal exclaimed! He said, “What do you plan on doing?” he held my hand, “Well…judging by her pace, she’s exhausted that means you have about 15 minutes to tell me your deal with her before she gets here or else I’ll walk up to her and ask her myself”
Jamal realized I was being serious so he began speaking, “She’s been running end to end for like 3 months now, I always sit here and hoping to see her run pass by each day but I’ve never talked to her before, she’s cute and I like her”, “Awww Jamal in love part 1&2, man you look pathetic! A girl runs by your house every day for the last 3 months and you haven’t mastered the courage to even say ‘HI’, fresh boy like you see your life, your muff die, you no fit talk plus chick, only if I had your looks, the way I go chop the girls eehh, you have the looks but see how you’re suffering…”
“But you already have a girlfriend, what about Aisha?” scratching my head. “Hmm it’s complicated” he said. “What do you mean complicated?” I asked. “It’s like we’ve drifted apart, I haven’t heard from her in like 3 weeks, it’s over, it’s just not official”, I started laughing, “You eehh if you don’t take time you’ll die single, you and Aisha drifted apart? Hwε ne brofosεm bi sε ‘we drifted apart’, u no dey kai say that chick sef ebi in way come flow you say she dey feel you? Fresh boy way in muff die like this diε e shock me say we’re still friends”
“Charle the chick is almost here, act cool”, Jamal said to me. “Me mmom I should act cool? Sia! Watch and learn rookie!” I walked over to the middle of the road, this girl was about 15 yards away from me, and I was smiling at her so she’d know I was on to her. She kept taking her eyes on and off me in the direction she was running.
She was about to run pass me when I said, “Hi, excuse me, can I talk to you for a second please? I swear it’ll only take a second I promise. I know this is weird but I swear I’m not a bad person, I just want your input on a debate my friend here and I have been discussing”, she was panting and sweating, her facial expression suggested she wasn’t ready to listen to what I had to say so I said, “I swear it’ll only take a second and besides you could really take a break while you’re at it to catch your breath” after a brief hesitation she said, “Okay”, “Great!” I retorted quickly.
“Here’s the thing” I began, “My friend and I have been arguing about this, we’ve stopped a couple of people on the road like yourself to help us decide, we are now tie and we need a tie breaker”, she raised her brows and muttered “Okay”. So I was like, “You like cereals right? Okay, cool! When you wanna have breakfast in the morning, specifically ‘Cereals’, let’s say corn flakes, which goes in the bowl first, the flakes or the milk?”
She started smiling, “Does it matter she said?” she said. “Not really but between my friend here and I we want a winner and you have the deciding vote so what would you pick please?” I pleaded. She stared in the sky for a second and said, “Well…I like to measure what I eat first so flakes first”. I said, “Oh bummer” throwing my head backwards. She giggled and said, “Oh why?” and I answered “I lost the debate, that means my friend here won, I guess you two think alike, I wouldnt be surprised if you both a lotta things in common. I’m CleDre by the way and this is my friend Jamal…” she interrupted, “Yeah I always see him each time I run pass by”
“Mmm nice, you look thirsty, hold up lemme go get you a bottled of chilled water okay, get to know each other I’ll be back soon” I sped off into the house. The idea was to leave those two for some few minutes so that Jamal could talk to her but looking through the blinds, Jamal was just standing there and smiling like a mute. It was so sad.
“Here you go, nice and chilled” I gave her the water and apologized for being a little late. She said thank you and turned to leave and I was like, “Sorry but I didn’t get your name” she smiled and said, “Angela”. I waved and she went away.
“Did you get her number?” I asked Jamal. “No, I couldn’t” he answered. “What do you mean you couldn’t?” I yelled at him. “I couldn’t, I didn’t know what to say or how to say it but I think she likes me” he replied. “There’s no hope for you, how can you tell she likes you when you didn’t say anything to her?” I said shaking my head. “And you think she likes you? She only said she sees you all the time on her runs it doesn’t mean she likes you, you’re an idiot”. “I have an idea” Jamal had this foolish look on his face.
2 days later…
“Hey what you doing?” I asked. He quickly covered whatever he was doing with his hand. When I came an inch closer, he muttered “nothing” and I asked, “What do you mean nothing? What are you covering up?” I pushed him aside and took the paper he was covering up. I began laughing, “WTF bro? A lover letter? Really? ‘Dear Angela’ ? Herrhhhh hahahaha eeeiii so that be where e catch?” Jamal tried overpowering me for the letter but I was stronger than him so I shoved him aside. I began reading,
The brightness of this sunny day has given me the warmth and strength to pen this down, by the way how are you? I hope you’re in a fabulous state of metabolism and mind. The universe has given me this once in a lifetime opportunity to pour some words which have been troubling my soul for some time now.
This letter is so important to me that my heart is pounding ‘bum bum’ as I am writing, my temperature is rising, my adrenaline is 100 percent on the Richter scale, thinking and writing about you is even doing me logoligi butterflies in my stomach.
The lord says, ‘we should ask and it shall be given unto thee, we should seek and we will find, we should knock and it shall be open unto thee’ 3 months seeing going up and down without telling you anything is no joke, I want to wake up in the morning and see only your face. I think about you all the time.
I want you to be the only sugar in my tea, the only wall clock in my room, the conveyor belt in my soul, the only spare tire in my car, the only Mike Ross in my suit…
“Herrhh but you I no no say u fool like that? What is this? Do you think we’re still in the 1970’s to be writing this kinda love letter? Which of your Dad’s lover letters to your mum did you copy this from? At this point I did’t know if I should be sad or laugh” Jamal smiled and said that was all he could come up with, he said he wanted to be funny and romantic at the same time. “Give me a pen and paper lemme write something decent for you”
I wrote a killer love letter for Jamal to present to Angela, I told him to take another piece of paper and rewrite what I wrote so that Angela will know he wrote the letter himself. He did exactly what I told him to and during the evening when Angela was on her usual run Jamal asked me to give the letter to her for him ‘cos he was feeling nervous and shy and I did.
The next day Angela came by with a reply to the letter. Jamal and I were really excited, Jamal’s heart was pounding so loud through his chest that I could hear it, I told him to relax. He was beaming with excitement, his hands were shaking, sweat dripping down his forehead, I had never seen Jamal like this before so he asked me to open and read out loud the letter, I cleared my throat and started,
WTFFFF? Dear CleDre?
“What do you mean ‘Dear CleDre’?” Jamal asked. “Wait hold on, I don’t know what’s going on but there more,
“Thanks for the letter yesterday, I really loved it, and I’ve been thinking about it the whole day, I just couldn’t wait to reply it, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was really skeptical about you first time i saw you but after reading that letter, you swept me off my feet…”
“Enough! Enough!! Enough!!!” Jamal roared! Then he said, “Dre what the F did you do?”, “I don’t know I didn’t do anything! I’m as confused as you, I have no idea what’s going on” I said. “Then why does the letter say ‘Dear Cledre instead of Jamal? Huh? You’re trying to steal my girl huh? You stabbing me on the back bro? Why? Why?” he was shouting at me, obviously angry, but the truth was I had no idea what was going on and I didn’t know how to defend myself.
“Jamal, I don’t know what just happened, I don’t know why that reply was addressed to me, but you need to calm down and let’s figure this out. I didn’t stab you and I don’t intend to and please stop saying I’m trying to steal your girl, I already have a girlfriend so why would I want another? Especially when I know you like that girl?” I tried defending myself but I wasn’t prepared to hear the next words that came out of Jamal’s mouth, “Get off my lawn, backstabber!
I don’t ever wanna see your face here again, I’ll ruin you if I even hear your name” Jamal walked out on me. I went home emotionally distorted and unbalanced, I just lost my best friend on an unexplained circumstances. I went to bed very early.
The morning I woke up to 21 missed calls from my girlfriend, I panicked! i thought she was in some kind of trouble to have this many missed calls so I called her back immediately. She picked up and said, “Cle we need to talk, meet me at the taxi rank in 15 minutes” then she hanged up. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew it was serious ‘cos she sounded serious, I hurriedly wore some fresh clean clothes and headed towards the taxi rank.
Few meters away from the taxi rank I could see my girl waiting for me, she had a paper in her hands and she didn’t look happy, I wondered why. I opened my arms to hug her but she pushed me away and said,
“Where have you been all night? I’ve been calling you”, I was surprised at the question but I said,
“Asleep all night, why what’s going on?”, I moved closer to her but she moved back, it was as if she was pushing me away or didn’t wanna be closer to me.
“I came to your house but you weren’t there, you can ask your brother, I came looking for you but he said you’re not home, where were you?”
“Babe calm down, I swear I was at home, I came home to sleep very early because I wasn’t feeling well and if my brother didn’t see me all evening doesn’t mean I wasn’t there, like I said, I was asleep. When I got home he wasn’t around, I went straight to bed and since I didn’t do anything in my room or see the lights on in my room he might have assumed I wasn’t there”
“You were with Angela all night weren’t you?” my girl accused.
“Who is Angela?” I asked.
“Good question, who is Angela? Now answer it!” then she slapped the white paper she was holding in my face.
After glancing through it I asked, “Where did you get this?”
“Oh shame! Your cheating ass has been caught, your cup is finally full, now tell me, isn’t that your hand writing?
“Yes it is, but where did you get this” I replied.
“Does it matter? ‘Cos to me it doesn’t, I thought you were different, 2 years dating you and you repay me with this? Cle I aborted a baby for you! I could have died! What did I ever do to you? Was loving you my punishment? Know what? It’s over between us, I don’t ever wanna see your face ever again”
I tried explaining but she wouldn’t liste, she left in tears and a broke heart. The paper my girl had in her hand was the letter I wrote to Angela on behalf on Jamal, and what he did was to send the original copy I wrote for him to re-copy for Angela , he gave it to my girl and now my girl thinks I’ve been cheating on her with another girl who i just wote a letter for in my handwriting, it was almost impossible to defend myself ‘cos the letter was indeed in my hand writing and there’s no way she’ll believe I wrote it for Jamal.
Jamal just made this personal, he snitched to my girl for something I didn’t do. And now my girl just left me, I swear I’ll make him pay! My best friend just became my enemy!
story written by: @AbokiCleDre (follow me on twitter)
Copyright © 2018 by @AbokiCleDre
All rights reserved. No Copy and Paste. Unlawful copy of this piece is prohibited. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.
facebook: StraightOutta Madina / [fan page]