Goodbye was a suicide note

​Last night I was so angry I thought of suicide

I even wrote a note and published it. Goodbye was a suicide note.

I published it on this blog and sent the links to my friends

I switched of my data and went to bed

I woke up the next morning, nervous to switch back on my mobile data

I thought my friends will rebuke the thoughts of suicide I had some hours ago

To my surprise, no one cared or they were impressed on how well it was written

Honestly I don’t know

Someone said ‘Goodbye was intriguing’, I almost cried

It wasn’t as if I was looking for some sympathy

Maybe a little, but that’s besides the point

Someone said, ‘nice’, referring to the note I wrote

I’m sure she had good intention and complimenting on the piece I wrote

Or perhaps she was just being polite, creating the impression that she read ‘goodbye’, but in reality she didn’t, I get that a lot when I send links to my friends, they just waiver it.

Someone said ‘you have been missed’, I’m certain she didn’t read it either, she’s concern and wondering why I have a man attempting suicide as my whatsapp display picture

This world is messed up

I thought I had friends, but I guess that’s not the case

I don’t mean to sound selfish, I know they have their own lives to live

But the least they could have…..never mind 

Maybe majority didn’t even read ‘goodbye’, that makes it worse

I needed someone, I needed someone to talk to

Don’t get me wrong, I tried talking to two people about what I was feeling

It just made what I was feeling worse, one didn’t see things from my perspective

The other had other things to say not relating to what I had in mind

Maybe I expected too much from strangers society calls ‘friends’

I’m glad I didn’t do anything stupid last night

Truth is, I didn’t have the strength to actually kill myself

I was weak, I wasn’t as bold as I thought I was

This whole thing is fucked up!

What if I had actually gone through with it?

You reading this now, yes you, would you have cried?

What would you have described me as?

What sort of person would you have told people about?

I can only guess…

I was the dude who sent you poetry and stories from time to time

Aint it?

Funny…if ghosts did exist, there would be so many people I wouldn’t like to be at my funeral, I’m certain you’d be one of them.

I’m depressed?

Maybe…

I’m crazy?

Maybe…

I’m going berserk? 

Maybe…a little

I need help?

Ugh…I think it’s too late for that.

Life can be overwhelming sometimes, we face unexpected circumstances all the time but that shouldn’t prevent you from looking out for people you call friends.

It doesn’t really matter if you guys talk often or not, I’m sure there’s a reason you follow them on twitter, friends with them on facebook, follow them on instagram, you have their number saved in your contacts, you send them a text or whatsapp periodically, don’t fail to be a friend to someone then share tears when they’re finally gone.

I survived suicide, thanks to the coward inner me

But what happened last night gave me a different view on the subject of friends

I’m sure you’re feeling weird reading this

Feeling sympathy? Don’t bother telling me, it’s too late
CleDre

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12 thoughts on “Goodbye was a suicide note

  1. I have been here before. expecting too much from people only has one outcome – disappointment.
    I also considered suicide, the only thing that saved me was the coward in me.
    I wanted it to be quick,with a gun to my head. Good thing is neither me nor any of my relatives have guns

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah I have learnt not to expect anything from anyone. I do my best to stay happy.
        Listen to music, write and read poetry.
        Any emotion I feel I channel it into my poetry.
        It helps me stay afloat in this pool of murky water called life

        Liked by 2 people

  2. hmm,honestly,i av tot abt it too,i felt mayb if i die,those hu critise me wil av a peace of mind bt then it occured 2 me dat its nt onli e one hu dies dat goes tru agony bt e love ones left bhnd also..they feel dey didn’t do enuf nd blame themselves 4 ur death…its nt worth it

    Liked by 1 person

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