We’ve been playing football all day, it was ‘our day’, so everyone was happy and full of smiles. After being in school for 3 months with restrictions, today was different cos it was ‘our day’, no boundaries, no classroom stuff.
The assembly bell had rang, alerting us all to gather at the assembly ground, we saw the headmaster coming out from his office, in his green African wear and black trousers with his famous spectacle on his face. All was quiet when the headmaster stood in front to address the whole school.
Honestly, no one really cared what the headmaster wanted to say, all what we wanted to hear was “we are vacating today, school resumes next two months”, but he kept yapping and yapping.
Until he finally said, “from here…. go for your term result cards, school resumes 2 months from today, now dismiss!”. The joys and smiles on our faces were priceless. It was as if we’ve been released from prison. While others were happy, others were sad. The result cards had changed the mood of the atmosphere, but unlike me, I couldn’t be bothered, repeating class 4 twice didn’t move me, I just tore the report card into pieces, it felt good, I was happy, very happy.
It was time to go home, my day’s been fun and exhausting. The thought of not going to school the following day really made me very happy, I knew my mum would ask me of my term report, and as usual I’ll tell her I’ve lost it. As usual she’ll beat the devil outta me but I’m used to it.
The next day, Kwame Sektor and a few other friends came to my house around 11 am, but I was still sleeping. My mum came to wake me up, told me my friends were outside looking for me. So I got up, and went to see them. I was surprised, cos I wasn’t expecting to see 8 boys at my house, looking for me around this time, so I asked them what was going on, one kid said, we’ve got a football match, so they’ve come for me.
I was very happy when I heard ‘football match’, I loved playing ball, and I was really good at it. I wanted to go, but I knew my mum wouldn’t let me go, I just woke up from bed and I hadn’t done any chores so, asking permission to go play ball would be very tricky. So I told them, I’d love to play but, they’ll have to seek permission from my mum first, if she allows me to go, I’ll join them.
The boys were debating among themselves on who should go and ask permission from my mum, I didn’t blame them tho, my mum was scary looking and very strict. The wrong choice or words or reason, she’ll drive them away without hesitating. But finally one of the boys was bold enough to approach my mum, he told my mum, “mama yesterday our class teacher told us to come to school today to come sweep our classroom since we left the whole place messy before leaving school yesterday so we’ve come for Cle”
I was inside, and I heard everything, seconds later, my mum called me out, I pretended I was busily doing something in my room and shouted, “I’m sweeping and laying my bed, I’ll be there shortly”, I had this funny idea my mum had bought the lie, so I was full of smiles when I got out.
Then mum told me what my friends said, she added, “don’t be late”, and I replied, “yes ma”. I couldn’t control my joy. So my friends and I stormed out of my house as quickly as possible before my mum changes her mind. Everyone was laughing hysterically.
On our way to the park, I told Sektor I didn’t even brush my teeth and I was hungry, very hungry. But he told me not to worry, he has One cedi in his pocket, we can pass by Daavi’s place to eat some beans before heading to the park. When we got to Daavi’s junction, we told the other boys to take the lead, we’ll be with them soon, we just wanna check to see if Ambush was at home so that he’ll join us, but we lied. If we told them the truth, they’ll join us in eating the beans, a risk we were unwilling to take.
When we got to Daavi’s place, the place was almost empty, we told her we wanted to buy some beans but she said it’s finished, but if we could wait a while, she has some on fire right now, it’ll soon be cooked, so we should take a seat, give or take 10 minutes the beans will be ready, reluctantly, we agreed to wait.
After waiting 10 minutes she said it still wasn’t ready, we should wait some few minutes more. We couldn’t wait, so we told her to serve, we told her to give us the base since that part will be better cooked than the surface. She served us as requested. We paid, and left there with fat stomachs. Next stop was at the park.
We got to the park, our friends were waiting for us, so we joined them in playing. I was balling like Ronaldinho, moving swiftly through the opponents. It was a nice game until my stomach started playing tricks on me. I started having this weird stomach ache, I thought it was nothing, I thought I could play the game with the pain, but I couldn’t. All I knew was that there was something at the edge of my ass, and I needed to get it out.
I looked around, searching for a nice place to go, then I spotted some mango tree, at the far end of the pitch, across the field. I run very fast, the funny part was, Sektor was already there shitting.. lol. It seems the beans we ate earlier on was causing damages to our digestive system. I took off my pants, hanged it on the mango tree, parted my legs wide apart and started shitting. Trust me, it felt really good.
After squatting there for like 7 minutes, we heard “GOOOAAALLLL”, our opponents had score, we were down by 2 men, who were busily in the bush…. shitting. So Sektor told me to hurry up, we were losing the game, and our team mates were looking all over for us, I told him to give me like 2 minutes to finish up. I wiped my ass with some leaves near by, took my shorts off the mango tree, wore it and headed back to the pitch.
Now that my friend and I were back in the game, we had possession of the ball, and it looked like we were back in the game and dominating, but we were yet to score a goal, since we were down by one.
I had just missed a chance to score, so I was returning back to my position, when I suddenly stopped! and shouted “AGGYEEEIIIII AAAHHHHH MAWU OOH MAWU”!
I felt 2 sharp pains in my shorts, it was very painful and itchy, I took off my shorts and saw two fire ants(Charles Taylor) holding on to my testicles, they had claws deep in my testicles. my friends came around and asked what was wrong with me, I shouted in pain, “KWASIA HW3 ME K)TI, CHARLES TAYLOR MMIENU AKA ME SHUA”
They were laughing at me, but some tried to help me by pouring water on my genitals, the painful part was, they were still biting me, and I couldn’t find them.
It seems the ants got into my pants when I hanged my shorts on the mango tree, I didn’t really pay attention to those ants climbing up and down the tree, and i was so much in a hurry that i forgot to shake-out my shorts before putting it back on…….. lol
Agyei: screaming in pain
Mawu ooh: I’m dead ooh
KWASIA HW3 ME K)TI, CHARLES TAYLOR MMIENU AKA ME SHUA: FOOL …..LOOK AT MY PENIS, TWO FIRE ANTS HAVE BITTEN MY TESTICLES
Story by: Kwame Sektor
Written: @AbokiCleDre (follow me on twitter)
Copyright © 2016 by @AbokiCleDre on twitter
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